Saturday, January 11, 2014

2014...The Year of Finding Joy

Early on during Rob's cancer, we asked ourselves, "So how are we going to live this out?" It didn't take long for us to agree that we would choose joy.  We had memorized some of the Book of James a year earlier and we immediately knew that we would accept the second verse: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds." 
What we did not know was the next 5 months would become the fight of our lives to endure this ugly beast with joy.  Rob and I learned quickly that this concept was not an emotion or feeling we could display; it was something much deeper than happiness and we knew it was wrapped up in trust and gratitude and only possible with the Breath of the Almighty.
So 2014 has arrived and I am confident Rob has a good handle on joy, but I'm left behind, walking in the deepest grief I've ever known. Now I must choose to rejoice alone. Each year I listen for a word or phrase that frames my main goal for the year; I had no trouble knowing what it would be when the ball dropped: JOY.
I had a really difficult time letting everyone look into our cancer journey on Caringbridge so I informed God that my blog and my joy quest would remain private! I didn't even know what it would look like, it might be hard to communicate and besides, Rob was gone and who would want to walk through more darkness? What if days went by and I didn't have anything to post; what if it became just too hard to count joy?  God answered with "It's the second half of My Plan." 
 So I invite you along as I search for joy in this deepest pain. Maybe we will all find a better understanding of this elusive three letter word.

4 comments:

cal+claire said...

We love you deeply!

Rhonda Wilson said...

We all are walking through some degree of darkness. Thank you for sharing how you navigate yours. You have been a huge encouragement to me and so many this year as I have watched you live out your faith by consistently choosing joy.

Rebecca said...

God will use your blogging that you share with us in incredible ways in your life and in ours.
Who for the JOY set before Him, ENDURED the cross.
You and Rob both did this in the past months and now you are desperately determined to do this through the horrible pain and loneliness. Keep looking to the JOY. Not easy, but worth it. I'm so proud of you for fighting, for grieving, for doing the "firsts," for keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus, for being vulnerable to share this journey, for choosing deep joy.
"1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Hebrews 12:1-3

love, Rebecca

Donna Clarquist said...

You are so right, Rhonda! We all have our own darkness. Reading Robin's blogs give me HOPE and encouragement that I'll get through all of mine. JOY, JOY, JOY