And with the stroke of a pen, my husband's name has disappeared from the final account...no trace. I thought I was ready, but my hand shook as I scrawled my messy signature across the form...and I fought back a tsunami of tears once again.
The day was filled with hourly giants, waiting for their slaying. It was stinking hard today and new enemies are always poised! Does anybody grasp how this feels?
But at the end of this gut-wrenching day, my youngest son cradles my heart from 2000 miles away.  If he only knew, he would cup carefully with both hands, corralling every single shard. If he only knew, he would see the magnitude of his evening gift.
I'll weep tonight and then hoist up my flimsy bravery all over again tomorrow.
Rob, if you can hear my heart tonight, please know you cannot be so easily erased. 

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) 

e.e. cummings

Things I've learned this week: If the water rises higher, I think I might just have to swim, you're with me wherever I go; the light that you left me will everglow, sometimes you have to push the pedal to the ground and watch the world around fly by.

Thanks, Hurray for the Riff Raff, Coldplay, and Mat Kearney, my Oregon boy, for this week's lessons.

 I started this little writing experience a few weeks ago and I'm amazed at the lessons I'm learning. They are all around us if we will just look for them. Kind of like gratitude. I carry a small notebook with me throughout the day; it's already half full of new lessons and old reminders.

Along with this new discipline, I started a new morning routine (thanks to my friend, Maurine.) I'm only two days in, but already I'm loving it.  Here is the list that gets me going every morning.

1. Deeply breathe in and out the beautiful name of Jesus.

2. Write down three acts of gratitude.

3. Journal one positive experience from yesterday.

4. Express kindness through a text or email.

5. Read a portion of a praise Psalm.

6. Exercise for about 15 minutes.

This daily routine is supposed to increase my productivity and positivity, which I need, but honestly, I really desire to begin my day with praise on my heart. I've altered it from the 5 step secular format; let me elaborate.

Years ago, my dear friend, Jerome, challenged our youth team to start each day with speaking the name of Jesus...first name off our lips. He said it would vastly change the entire focus of our day.

I decided to add a Psalm reading as a sixth exercise, but not just any one. For this purpose, I want only positive words from David, the greatest song writer I know. The Book of Psalms is also filled with instruction and darker emotions; I just want to focus on His character in these short moments. I've added One Minute Praises by Steve Miller, which includes short scripture from the psalms and an uplifting prayer.

I'm putting together a playlist of uplifting music to accompany my exercise. I've chosen dance to get me going.

Seriously, the steps take 2 minutes each and I combine my 15 minute dance with brushing my teeth, emptying trash, making my bed. 

May I challenge you to join Maurine and me?   I've got to run and catch up on this week's Bible Study homework, Gideon by Priscilla Shirer. Oh, that's another post for another time. 

Things I've learned this week: there's quite a difference between moving on and moving forward, I need to allow my life to reflect the joy and happiness I felt in my marriage, there is always a second half!

This week I've learned...

For years I've recorded my gratitude...in worn journals, on scraps of paper, on my palm! It's helps me to worship God in good as well as bad times. 
But recently, I've wanted to remember the important (and not so) things that I've discovered throughout the week. It started as a writing experiment and quickly turned into something much more intentional, a means of making sense of the input that bombards me on a given day. Perhaps you've seen Mom's Five Second Memory Journal or One Line A Day...similar concept.
I choose three things and as a challenge, I list them in succinct sentence.  Only in my journal do I add extra details of what led me to record them, but publicly, I don't want to rob the statement of its simplicity and symbolism...kind of like a well-stated "tweet."  
I'm planning (oh, those well-laid plans) to add them here on a regular basis. How fun it would be if you would send back your own "lessons" in a sentence in the comment section below. You don't need to sound like a writer; just be honest and if you like, anonymous.
As you'll see below, I added a reference to a song I downloaded several weeks ago. (For the over 50 crowd to whom I belong, Chainsmokers is a band.) I really like their song, Don't Let Me Down and the lyric, right now I need a miracle. My simple statement about chain smokers is actually multi-layered. I'm reminded of  the following: even those with whom we disagree need God's grace, I'm daily begging for His intervention, I wish Rob was here to help me make the important decisions, and even deeper, my relationship with my mom, who died because of this gripping nicotine habit, remains complicated.  There's no way you could have caught all of that, but that's the idea; you make it your own "lesson."
So here goes...

Week One
Things I've learned this week: After 2 eye surgeries, 2 eye procedures and a ton of eye drops, gently tilting the bottle improves the aim (no need for a vertical dive bomb to the pupil,) The Guess Who's "These Eyes" is still very relevant, and fixing my eyes not on what is only temporarily seen, but rather on what is unseen and eternal is great Truth. 

Week Two
Things I've learned this week: Even chainsmokers need a miracle, we need not always keep our "broken" so unspoken, young widows will look heavenward for what seems a lifetime.

Week Three
Things, I've learned this week: we can take a good thing and turn it into an ultimate thing*, there are no shortcuts to sanctification, and when in doubt, just show up! (*Tim Keller's Counterfeit God)

Well, now you have it: a great big run-on explanation from someone who rarely puts down her pen.  

Your turn...