It's time to slow down again. The emotional pain of my first Easter without Rob has left me completely drained. I can't fulfill promises I've pledged; I can hardly pay a bill today. My heart breaks when a friend approaches me with "Are you mad at me? I feel like you have been avoiding me." Oh, please be patient with me.  Words might flow here on the safe pages, but stringing words to fill the awkward airtime sucks life from me. "Fun" isn't part of my vocabulary this week; tears are!  First anniversaries of the good, bad and the ugly loom: our last vacation together, our last camp, and the diagnosis. Will they snowball and bury me?
I don't expect anyone to truly understand this roller coaster ride. I had no clue until cancer and death plopped me in the rear car. Hold on with me; I'm still just hanging on so I don't fly out of my seat.