Wednesday, April 9, 2014

It should have been me

I already hear the thoughtful comments in response to this very honest post. I know that my musing will seem irrational, but I know there is another soul out there who has felt the same way during their loss.
It should have been me...Guilt!
My children shared much more with Rob: music, sports, business world.
He was easy...they just liked him...he had more resources to help them with life. 
Friends miss their lunch partner, their team mate on the court, their "go-to" when they need advice.
Siblings lost their big brother; I'm a sad substitute for a man everyone loved to like.
I try to keep Rob present so they don't miss him so much. Do they miss me? I'm still present and miss them. 
I can't be their Rob. I'm not as likable, but I pray I'm still lovable...Scared! 
They might be wishing it would have been me.


cal+claire said...

I wrote this long paragraph to tell you how amazing you, how death was not God's plan for His people, and so many other things that sounded like beautiful insights to me. But then I thought, nothing I can say can fix this. It's just broken and sad. Heart wrenching. So, know that I love you, I hear you, I am doing my best to feel alongside you, I am praying for you, and you are deeply missed even when you are in California for a short time.

Robin said...

Claire, "It's just broken and sad.Heart wrenching." You nailed, friend. And God is still good! I can't explain how healing it is to just put it out there. You always come alongside me! Thank you, dear friend.

Rebecca said...

Ah, but how I would have missed you, my friend! You are extremely likeable, loveable, and I'm adding huggable! :)