It's October! Can you believe it? Fall has always been my favorite season; it's now bittersweet. This was the season of watching the leaves fall from our big oak while we counted days until our final goodbye. What kept our joy? Gratitude! Counting the gifts God had given us. We recorded them on scrapbook paper and hung them on the walls to keep us focused on God's goodness, even in suffering. For years, I've kept a gratitude journal, but this year I decided to get a little more creative with my thanksgiving. 

My Gratitude Tree

I bought this metal tree several years ago at Tuesday Morning.  I cut and distressed paper leaves from inexpensive manilla paper. I know I have a lot more free time than most of you; thankfully most teacher supply stores sell die cut leaves that save time! A simple branch in a mason jar works great as well. I can't think of a better way to teach children to count their blessings. How do you record your gratitude—journal, phone app, photos?

Gratitude tree on the palliative care floor at MD Anderson photo credit: Lindsay Webdell

Thirty days of naming our gifts... gratitude challenge to my 11th grade girls.  Record three gifts each day and be prepared for an amazing advent season. 
I awoke this morning, this first day of December, aware that beginning steps to the manger rival final ones to my husband's grave.

 Funny how last week I was flowing with thanksgiving and this morning I struggle with my own gratitude assignment. 
Early last December, I was thanking God for...

one more morning

 three unexpected kisses from my precious husband

catching Rob's occasional smiles, holding his warm hands and swabbing his mouth with Blue Bell

Joyous gifts for me this morning!

Today, I limp to the grave, reliving the final days of Rob's life on Earth. I fight to keep my eyes on my Savior's earliest days as God/Child. Can these two journeys intertwine into something beautiful? 

Rejoice...re-joy

Choose joy again and again

Offer thanksgiving in all circumstances

Not always for the circumstance, but in the circumstance

Eucharisteo

See the charis and the chara in the giving of thanks?

Naming the gifts unwraps the grace and affords JOY

Today, I name....

 Jeff Webdell 

on his birthday

My son in law who makes me chocolate chip pancakes, leaves a cup of warm coffee for me, takes care of my girls, and has become one of my best friends

Austin Tucker

a very tall college student who looks for me when he is home and reminds me of my husband's ministry

Freezing nights on the Plaza

Many nights strolling Kansas City streets under an explosion of colorful lights...the memory of window shopping for the perfect promise ring

Thanksgiving 2014

That first glance of the gulf always takes my breath away; it carries me back to childhood days and our long summer trips from Kansas City. This year is no different, but now a lump swells in my throat  along with the exhilaration of the moment. Rob did not make it back to the beach like we planned last fall; we raced to the emergency room instead. I grieve that I could not give him one last look at this place that holds so many wonderful memories for our family.

But, I promised myself that our Thanksgiving at the beach this year would honor Rob...we would create new memories and find reasons to laugh and smile. I must admit I wore sunglasses a lot to hide the brimming tears as I missed him so deeply. I think we were all very aware of the great void of his absence, but we fought to make this first Thanksgiving without him enjoyable.

I purchased a hand blown votive to light on special days, a symbolic way to remind us of how he brought so much light and warmth to each of our lives and of his constant presence in our hearts. As it sparkled, we remembered with thanksgiving.

Dinner was lively with two toddlers; we needed the levity. Bobby brought a taste of Galveston to the table with his delicious, homemade seafood bisque and of course, we stuffed ourselves on all of the traditional dishes Rob loved so dearly. 

Then it was off to the beach!

We topped off the day with pumpkin pie, Texas A&M football, pop-up books and goodbye hugs! 

Bobby and I finished the holiday with a long walk on the beach and chuckles about not needing toys for the boys. The doggy gate seemed to provide all of the entertainment and mishaps needed for our two little guys! I enjoyed seeing Galveston through my son's eyes. He is quite the islander and makes visits really fun. We browsed through some new antique shops and even discovered E.T. resides on the Strand.

I leave with a full stomach, but a much fuller heart. 

Thanksgiving 2014 has been a wonderful, unexpected gift from God.

The ESV translates James 1:2 as "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds."

I'm pretty sure he wasn't referring to making an itemized list, but that isn't such a bad idea! Paul instructed the Thessalonians to "be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances," so maybe joy seeking includes thanking God. I'm pretty used to listing all the bits of grace in which He showers me  on easy days, but how differently might I live this loss if I intentionally looked for Him in the tough ones as well?

Like...Thank you, God, for walking me through the 10 hours of food poisoning last night; You made it so I could only hold on to You..

Or...God, You held my hand as I stepped on the Memorial 131 bus to go clean out Rob's 37th floor office and then, provided a son, who was sent downtown on an errand, to rescue me and my load.

Or maybe...You knew that I had forgotten to ask about an important account, but You sent a reminder in the mail. 

Always present, always providing, always protecting...

Joy counting, maybe I'm on to something.

You've heard our prayers, oh LORD! More time... Our hearts are are overflowing with gratitude!

"You look beautiful today." "Your blouses have been fitting well."  " I was just lying here looking at your hair. It's beautiful!" 

Music to my ears... Sweet joy for my aching soul...

To go from constant hugs and sweet kisses to barely a word or touch in a few short days... devastating. 

 But the Lord has heard me and helped Rob voice his heart towards me. 

These are engraved on my heart. 

One night I'm losing hope and the next I'm counting our blessings. What a roller coaster we are riding.  As I turn in for the night, in great anticipation of what tomorrow's first solo treatment with the experimental antibody will bring, I am very cognizant that we are surrounded by more encouragers than any one couple deserves. Old friends, new friends, faithful family all praying for healing. How can we be so blessed? I just laughed with an old friend about how we used to have  to use that dinosaur called the kitchen wall phone to communicate our needs and now we have Face Book and sites like Caringbridge that offer speedy messages with just a few key strokes. We have a medical team that is the best in the world and we only have to drive across town to seek their expertise. Again, how can one couple be so incredibly blessed? Our God is good, He is faithful, He is our Hope!

We jumped! We left the safety of a commercial treatment plan that promised a few more months and dove head first into the murky waters of experimental drugs. Faith in the mixture of toxins and antibodies? Not a chance. Complete dependence on the greatness of a GOD who can pulverize cancer cells. Can we trust Him to heal without man-made medicine? Of course, but we have seen Him move mountains to get us to the right doctor, schedule impossible tests in His time, and flood us with complete peace concerning this clinical trial that could save the next generation of pancreatic patients. 

Mark Batterson writes "If you don't take a risk; you forfeit a miracle." Perhaps...  Moses and Noah, looking foolish, risked their reputations, but they trusted God, even when the higher plan didn't make sense. Peter never would have become a "water-walker" had he stayed in the hull of the boat. We must admit that safety was tempting and uncharted waters seem a bit crazy, but we are trusting God's plan instead of the grim statistics of survival from this beast. Conventional treatment aligns with the odds; divine healing has no assigned number. 

So we offer thanks to our Maker, not just our gift Giver, and we ask, we expect, and ultimately, we accept His plan. We have dived into a sea of belief.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
It's that time of year for Mom's turkey and trimmings, and going home to Grandma's. One of my fondest memories is the table filled with pie and cake; not knowing which one to pick!
As I grew older the day turned toward the true meaning of thanksgiving and counting my many blessings. This year I find myself smiling when I think how thankful I am to have such a precious granddaughter. What are you thankful for? Is it a long list? Do you record your blessings so you will remember God's goodness? When we meet this weekend, I hope you will share some of them with the group. Don't you think it's time for a happier subject than all the injustice in the world?
As you take time to thank God for His gifts, I hope you will thank the Giver himself. Sometimes we get caught up in what He gives us, but forget to get "caught up" in Him.
He alone is our perfect gift from above!
Happy Thanksgiving!