I fall apart in the dairy section. Tears spill over the screen as I interrupt my phone call to you. Habits are hard to break...unlike my heart.
No numbness this late December; the pain of missing you this second Christmas stings harder!
There are merry moments...they just don't last long. I miss everything about you and our Christmases together. 
Little things...you telling me not to look in the closet, asking me for scotch tape from back in the bedroom, sitting under the tree passing out packages, watching your face glow by candlelight at church, crawling in bed with you after filling stockings.

 I gladly gather the sweet memories, but why do they have to hurt so much? 
I fight to see light in this darkest of Decembers, knowing no one can tell me how to sing this winter song.