Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Dearest Rob, 

The first day of autumn has come to a close. I dressed your resting place with reds and oranges and golds today, then I went home and unpacked all those boxes of pumpkins we've collected throughout the years. I've never had the house decorated on the first day of fall! Can you believe? As I unwrapped the bundles of maple and oak leaves, I thought about our first "fall foliage" trip to the Northeast, the one we had planned for this October. This year I'll just have to make it a virtual trip, just like when we "visited" England and Yellowstone last summer.  But one day, my love,  I'll go and be sure,  you'll be with me... right here in my heart!

 Didn't we love the fall?  Football games, driving past pumpkin patches, dressing the family for Fall Festival at Westbury, Octoberfest with "Wicked Wanda," the tuba player and our ill-fated camping trip and of course, the best, hanging out with our kids during Baylor homecoming... always the best time of the year. 
Rob, the Big Oak is shedding, a few leaves at a time...kind of like my tears.  A few spill a couple of times a day, but they don't pour like in days past. I pause with each falling leaf, and can't help but think back on our silent September, when we sat and stared, counting off the days. We knew we most likely would say our goodbyes before the season changed once again. I fight this simmering anxiety, knowing the worst of last fall approaches and it crowds my thoughts. I was too busy caring for you then, to grasp how hard you suffered, but I'm learning that the things we stuff have their way of creeping to the surface sooner or later. You were brave, Rob! Even as you withered, I saw indescribable strength on which I continue to draw. This season will pass as well and soon I'll be boxing up the harvest...but never the memories, my sweet Rob. 

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