It's been almost three years since the Beast invaded my family's life...
Cancer.  As the third anniversary of Rob's diagnosis looms over me, I find myself battling the toughest depression to date.  
From the very beginning of this journey, I promised God that I'd let Him use my transparency for his purposes. I struggle with this as I prefer the closet. Who wants to be labeled: Stuck in Grief? 
Yet, too many of us stuff deep our private battles with pain, preventing our circle the privilege of real community and embarrassing others into quiet suffering. That's simply not God's plan for his children.

  Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 

Galatians 6:2 NIV

I'm guilty as charged; the casual observer sees my functionality but not my daily paralysis. Friends laugh with me, but I rarely let them hold my buckets of tears. Is that your modus operandi, as well?
Truth is...my heart hurts and I think I'm in good company. If you aren't relating, we worn warriors cheer your tidy lives—but for many of us, life is more than messy. We trudge through emotional mire: impossible marriages, broken children, crippling fear and anxiety, chronic illness, devastating loss—it's a fierce battleground!

The good news—Paul reminds us:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

It's my daily battle cry!

I am weak...so weak. I have no other place to run, but into the strong arms of my Savior.

Peter Blackburn says it better than me...thoughts from Psalm 84:6.

Valley of Baca

I do not choose
the valley of Baca -
place of dryness,
sadness,
depression,
place of tedious
sameness.
Yet,
without my choosing,
life
has a way
of taking me
there.
I do not enjoy
the valley of Baca.
I have no desire
to linger there
or to revel
in its desolation.
Yet my Lord
has promised
to be with me
all the way,
even when
I must pass
through this valley.
Because he is here,
even the valley of Baca
can become
to me
a place of springs -
refreshed,
renewed
from strength to strength
with him!