Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Loss re-writes one's address book
Yes, that is what I'm learning these dog days of grief. I know I'm not alone; I've just joined a unique club of women void of spouse either by death or divorce. We often find our names missing from invitation lists and social gatherings; I've even found my name erased from the very ministries I've cherished most of my life. 
Many months after Rob's death, I glance at my address book filled with couples and his work friends and realize I'm likely to never hear from these folks again. It causes me to ponder the reason: awkwardness, the reality of busy lives, or the painful thought that I was only worthy as Rob's partner.  
I'm sure I'm guilty of erasure as well; I just didn't understand the great loneliness and assault on one's identity after tragic loss. 
Gratefully, new entries have been added to my edited pages and a few faithfuls have remained through trial and fire. I'm not complaining, just learning a new normal I never anticipated. 
But if I'm honest, I must admit that each crossed-out entry in my worn address book finds me grieving all over again. My life and friendships will never look the same. I'm not married; I'm not single...I have no idea who to invite into this next chapter.

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