Friday, November 7, 2014

It's funny how the most ordinary things trigger such deep grief.  A man buying flowers...a couple about my age talking over coffee...beautiful vacation photos posted on social media.  
I feel deeply alone.
Maybe it's the looming anniversary of his death or the upcoming holidays, but I'm just swimming in darkness.  
I try my hardest to be upbeat and engaging, but after a few days, I just want to crawl back under the covers. I overcompensate for the depression and it backfires once again. I feel selfish; I feel weak; I feel defeated! 
I want to be like Rob, kind and giving no matter how tired or stressed or in pain he might have been. Did he even have to try or was it just part of his spiritual DNA?
Maybe I need less trying and more relying on the One who makes all things possible. 

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