Post op day five

This fairly routine surgery has unleashed something terribly unsettling inside me:

raging 

fear and anxiety!

I've bravely walked through many past surgeries, some quite complicated and risky, but this one is teaching me what I hate most about myself:

raging

fear and anxiety!

Every sensation paralyzes me; there is no peace. 

Am I scared of losing my sight or am I really scared of losing my way?

I miss Rob and his unwavering support.

He would know just how to calm the "medical ocd" that runs through my brain, he'd gently rinse the shampoo so I could protect my eye, he'd walk through surgery #2, the one I dread now.

Bottom line...I grieve, I grieve deep, knowing there will most likely never be family at my side as I grow old and collect more health issues.

Why can't I trust God alone?

Where is my faith?

Look at the friends who patiently travel with me! Is that not enough proof of His provision?

Why can't I let go of

raging 

fear and anxiety?