Ten years later

 

I was bargain hunting last week when I spotted this pair of charms. The box included the words: 

Made For Each Other. 

Yep, I bought them and once again, I  journeyed down memory lane. 

Summer of 1972-my grandparents invited Rob to join our family at their Florida home. My sweet Poppy bought my sister, Rob and me tickets to explore a new amusement park. Yes, it was Disney World’s first official summer. My sister tolerated our immature puppy love; God bless her! Years later, our own family made memories at the magical park and then, Rob and I celebrated our 50th birthdays with Mickey; we loved living happily ever after. 

Today marks the 10th anniversary of Rob’s cancer diagnosis and our family’s unthinkable journey with the pancreatic beast. 

I’m still trying to process why this particular year is harder than recent ones; perhaps milestone anniversaries are just naturally notable. I find myself wrestling with the thought of ten long years of more survival than surprise. Ten years of solo!

I stood over Rob’s grave this morning; some of my most authentic conversations with God happen in the quiet of the cemetery. 

I sincerely asked, “How long, O Lord? What are the plans You have for me?  Is there any more adventure as I enter this new chapter because time’s running out! God, I’m no longer looking for fairytales, just Your perfect, but elusive plan.”

And He lovingly  whispered back, “Have you forgotten that I

made you for Me? Remain in Me; trust my Goodness in the land of the living.” So we begin again…

"It's so hot here in Texas that the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs!"

Just ask my trees...boy, are they stressed.  My tree man once told me I could care for thirsty trees by drilling a few tiny holes in the bottom of five-gallon buckets, then setting them around the root line.

I've been filling those babies up with gallons of water almost every day and I notice the trees aren't dropping as many leaves. 

Now, I've also heard that storms make trees take deeper roots.  Hmm...maybe the rainfall from a series of storms?

All I know is I want to prepare my giants for a Texas-size hurricane that might uproot them, causing a lot of collateral damage.

How do we protect ourselves from being uprooted by the emotional tsunamis life throws at us?  Same thing...we need deep roots.

I've had my share of ravaging ones in the past decade and find myself facing the newest one, perhaps one of the hardest so far.  

I'm learning to soak my roots long and well before the pain and loss hits.

Jeremiah said it well:

"But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8 NLT

It's not wise to wait for the crisis! I need to drench my soul in the eternal truths of my Creator, my Protector, my Redeemer, soaking in the Scriptures long before the squalls are on the horizon.  I have to believe that He is enough, nothing else satisfies!

My bucket-laden yard isn't the prettiest these dog days of summer and often, neither is my life, but what lies below is hardy and ready for the blows. 

Those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life. Jesus

                                                                                                    John 4:14

...and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name. Isaiah 54:4-5 ESV

God, our Maker, becomes our Other Half,  a sweet devotional carved from Isaiah's words addressing captive Israel, widowed far away in Babylon.  I can see why the writer offers these verses to present-day widows, but Other Half just sits uncomfortably with me.  
Better described as My All, no divide, because Jesus fills. Other Half reminds me of Legos, plastic fitting snugly together and completed pie charts.  
Jesus, oh the Air I Breathe, finds his way into every needy air sac, every messy cell, when I invite Him.
When I invite Him...I must not forget that Jesus is a gentleman groom.  I'm a slow learner it seems; this "all" takes time for me to breathe in deeply. 
I wonder if this divine relationship is similar to our earthly marriages. We begin as two strong identities tethered, but at some point the divide blurs.  I began as nurse, artist, baby Christian (in that order,)but through miles of for better for worse, in sickness and health, I crept into Rob's DNA and he, mine. 
I want even more blur with Jesus...less of me, so more of Him. I need Him to become my DNA!
Jesus promises to fill, not fit...promises to invade, not just complete. 

I love this scene from the The Chronicles of Narnia. Do you remember it?

“A circle of grass, smooth as a lawn, met her eyes, with dark trees dancing all around it. And then-oh joy! For he was there, the huge Lion, shining white in the moonlight, with his huge black shadow underneath him. But for the movement of his tail he might have been a stone lion, but Lucy never thought of that. She never stopped to think whether he was a friendly lion or not. She rushed to him. She felt her heart would burst if she lost a moment. And the next thing she knew was that she was kissing him and putting her arms as far around his neck as she could and burying her face in the beautiful rich silkiness of his mane.
“Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan,“ sobbed Lucy “At last.”
The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue. His warm breath came all around her. She gazed up into the large wise face.
“Welcome, child,” he said.
“Aslan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.”
“That is because you are older, little one, “ answered he.
“Not because you are?”
“I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

So as one year of Bible study ends and another begins, do you find Him bigger?

Annual heart checkup

It's that time of year when I see my heart specialist. I have "hiccups" in my heart rhythm, so he runs a yearly EKG and re-evaluates my medicines. Oh yeah...I have to step on the scales as well and I usually get "fussed at"! I always feel exposed during this visit. The EKG doesn't lie, telling my doctor and me if my heart is in sync; the scales rat out my secret snack attacks.


I do like the timing of this visit, though, as it falls close to Easter, reminding me to visit with God about my spiritual heart condition. Exposing the ugly places of my sinful heart is uncomfortable, but necessary for my journey with God. Would you join me in doing some serious reflection during these last few weeks leading up to the greatest celebration in history?

Consider taking a few minutes each day to ask yourself these questions:

Is my heart divided between God and other things?

Do I love Him with wholehearted devotion?

Is my heart in rhythm with the things God loves?

Does my heart skip a beat when I think about worldly things?

Are there any heart conditions in which I need God's healing, like pride, selfishness, dishonesty, ingratitude?

Is there something I need to fast from during this Lenten season in order to make my heart healthy?

Proverbs 4:23 reminds us that we have to guard our hearts at all cost.

Let's get heart healthy together!