Reflections on the anniversary of 9/11

Rob was in the air, towers were falling, I sat frozen with fear. Because he was working on a classified government project, I did not know where he was. He could have easily been traveling from the East Coast, so I waited and waited on this September day thirteen years ago. He landed in Portland, Oregon and we would not see him for days. Thankfully, his brother lived there so he was not alone during a time when our nation lay in turmoil. But, I remember how determined Rob was to get home to us; flights were canceled, rental cars nonexistent and he knew his family desperately needed him close by to feel whole and safe.  
Fast forward to this season of unrest and I'm reminded that when life brings great storms in my future (and it will,) I will never again lean on my husband, steadying my fears with his strength and presence. Memories don't grab arms and uphold scared women. 
But the great I AM does!
I love the beautiful picture in Isaiah 41. In verse 10, I see a righteous God, who always does the right thing all of the time, girds me with His powerful right hand, while simultaneously(vs.13) placing my trembling right hand in his fatherly left grasp.  
He upholds and doesn't let go!   And that's enough for me.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand...For I hold you by your right hand, I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, Don't be afraid. I am here to help you. NLT

 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13,) one of the first promises I ever memorized. It's one thing to recall a string of words and yet, quite another to tightly grasp on to them as you feel yourself sinking into the darkest pit.
In less than 12 hours, I found myself re-packed from an exhausting week at youth camp and boarding a Boeing 737 headed for San Diego. Last minute details for Jill's first birthday party awaited along with a house full of people I barely knew. Sam's first dance recital, SeaWorld, candyland games, sleepless nights filled the next week and here I sat slumped in an aisle seat, desperately trying to collect the shards of my broken heart.  
Did I believe the apostle Paul? Would I let Christ carry me through both the exhaustion and the pain? Could I cling to the same words Paul could believe as he sat in his prison?
 "I can do all things" has nothing to do with gaining super powers, but everything to do with trusting the Super Power. I would still limp, but firmly tethered to his hope, his joy, his "I AMness."
How can an emotional mess sing and dance with little ones while bobbing in the murky waters of depression and grief? How can a drowning soul peel back the covers and bring light into a busy family day after day? How can the broken keep hobbling through uncertainty?

Only through Christ, only through Christ...