A long obedience

 I’ve been limping through life lately. I suppose that’s not totally out of the ordinary for a full-blooded empath. Cancer and chemo stinks; global hardships endured by friends leave me helpless. I’ve been on the brink of walking away from some important ministries. Hey, I’m 70 now; don’t I deserve to take it easy?   That might be my plan, but not God’s. 

Last Sunday, our youth minister threw down the gauntlet..Just obey, he preached. I was questioning whether I even had the knowledge and maturity to continue, but God said, “Just show up! Minister in your quirky way and I’ll use it. All I want is for you to plant seeds and I’ll water them.”

Last weekend, when I wanted to pull the covers up over my head, I planted real seeds for a hurting friend and me. My first wimpy thought was, “They’ll probably not grow.” Well, two days later…they sprouted! I put out sugar water and the hummingbirds showed up and more importantly, I said yes to two ministries…little steps of obedience turn into long obedience. I’m still limping, but with trust and expectation. 

Trust in the One

My family’s first bomb dropped in our lap in June 2013, terminal pancreatic cancer, and then again early in 2024, stage 2 breast cancer caused by a broken BRCA2 gene. Later last spring, a third bomb landed;  another sibling receives the news: positive for BRCA2 mutation. Last week, we finally received confirmation that Rob carried this horrible mutation; that one ripped a piece of my heart. 

I have had a week to sit with it and this is what I have gleaned: I’ve stopped looking for guarantees in this earthly life unless they come from the Word of God. I am guaranteed that Almighty God will sustain me no matter what happens and I find my peace in just that.  I can ride that Truth into eternity. I have no assurances when it comes to cancer; none of us do. Micro-metastases can grow in spite of all the cancer-killing agents and God can prevent a weak gene from misbehaving. No one is handed a never-cancer pass; it will most likely visit every family in some form.  

I still hurt and feel great sadness,  but I trust God with the outcome. God is our only guarantee. 

Broken Genes, Broken Dreams

 It was confirmed yesterday; Rob carried a broken gene that ended many of our dreams: planned retirement and ministry together, co-grandparenting, life without overarching concern for the health of some of our children and grandchildren who carry the altered gene.  

So this is how our enemy wants to wear me down? Like so many of my friends, I’m not rising often from my knees these days; our kids are fighting serious battles. Families are torn and worn by emotional shrapnel, the fallout of a broken world. 

Yesterday, I was staring into a deep pit, tempted to stand in agreement with our arch-enemy. YOUR GOD IS NOT BIG ENOUGH!  But a dear brother in Christ stopped to comfort and speak truth. He kept reminding me that God is so much bigger than the chaos. Yes, the Maker of DNA and Creator of exquisite genetic sequences surely can redeem unwanted interruptions in a harmful gene and He can save our children from the fallout. Our God is mighty to save and his plans are good. I must trust that God knows what He purposes to accomplish on an eternal scale. 

So today I pray as He protects my loved ones and I leave the future in his Almighty Hands. I remind myself that even though Rob did not live out our small earthly dreams, his faith has been made sight, God’s biggest work realized and no brokenness to be found!