I allow myself a small pocket of sadness each anniversary and usually a pep talk about moving forward. I kind of linger, not wallow, in my blanket of memories and emerge on a brighter, hopeful side for the future. But, toss in a pandemic and twin storms eyeing the Gulf Coast...plus my inner war as an enneagram 6 personality laced with post-Harvey trauma and you have one mess of a girl. 

When paralysis and anxiety hit, I’ve learned to DIVE head first into the Scriptures. Stop everything and sit in them until peace and calm returns. It’s not an easy discipline with preparedness lists swarming around in my mind. 

But, poring over Scripture is always an adventure and often comes an Edison moment when Light shines on a passage. 

I wasn’t expecting this one:

Psalm 84:11

Hear it from the New Living Translation.

For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Life will always have a series of storms in the queue, but storms, meet my great God!

He is my Protector...Period! Battle for my mind, meet my Commander; He is my Grace!  He will pick me up when the lies press heavy and He will never withhold his goodness; I only need to offer my heart. He is the Son that calms the storm. 

        Yes, good gifts are lining up as well.

        

 Usually I make a plan for this worst week ever. My August plans for Yellowstone were dashed by this incorrigible virus; profound loneliness seems my current destination. This go-around with my ugly enemy is crippling. I flirted with abandoning all rational thought; I even began equipping my small SUV for a solo trip to wherever. 

After realizing my ensuing  insanity, I unpacked my car, then unloaded my pain at the waiting feet of Jesus. Oh, when will I learn to begin there?

So in the cool of this morning, I slipped on my running shoes and earbuds and started over.  I’ve been building a playlist for the hardest messes; Steffany Gretzinger tops that list. 

“You're always moving in the unseen                            The breath You exhale sustaining me

Before I call, You know my need
You're always going before me

I'm confident Your faithfulness will see me through
My soul can rest, my righteousness is found in You
With every moment left, in every borrowed breath, let this be true
That all my heart, for all my life, belongs to You

Your laughter scatters my enemies
You give me joy for my mourning
You lift my head so I can see
All of Heaven surrounding me

I won't win this battle with the strength in my own hands
You're the mountain-mover and only You can
I won't build my life on sinking sand
You're my hope forever, the rock where I stand”

I walked a little further this morning...at times almost a respectable jog...head lifted a little higher. 

Truth is, the longing for human interaction has no end in sight, but neither does His Presence. Jesus remains my one faithful, confident traveling companion. 

August heat and positive COVID-19 numbers continue to rise. I’m weary; how about you? I find myself clinging to words of Truth and songs of testimony. My Redeemer is Faithful and True and No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus have been a frequent source of encouragement in these days of isolation.

Be blessed by the lyrics of the latter.

If my heart could tell a story                                              If my life would sing a song.                                              If I have a testimony                                                           If I have anything at all

No one ever cared for me like Jesus
His faithful hand has held me all this way
And when I'm old and grey
And all my days are numbered on the earth
Let it be known in you alone
My joy was found
Oh my joy, my joy

Let my children tell their children
Let this be their memory
That all my treasure was in heaven
And you were everything to me

No one ever cared for me like Jesus
His faithful hand has held me all this way
And when I'm old and grey
And all my days are numbered on the earth
Let it be known in you alone
My joy was found
I've found my joy

I'm still in love
Your still enough for me
Still all I want
Your still my everything
I'm still in love
Your still enough for me
Still all I want
Your still my everything

No one ever cared for me like Jesus
His faithful hand has held me all this way
And when I'm old and grey
And all my days are numbered on the earth
Let it be known in you alone
My joy was found

My Redeemer is Faithful and True-Stephen Curtis Chapman 

No One Ever Cared For Me Like Jesus-Jason Ingram / Steffany Gretzinger / Chandler Moore / Dante Bowe

(I love the Weigle hymn by the same title.)

Surviving the pandemic

My lockdown projects continue...I’m tackling one drawer at a time, organizing, donating, pitching. 
This week I turned to my closet. Voila; my growing donation bag of “I might wear that again someday.” 

I’ll spare you the “what kind of person would even think of donating this” pile. 
Then, it occurred to me, “Why am I reserving the good stuff for when this monster is over?” So, my new plan has included dressing for the day...well, most days. Nice casual and a touch of jewelry! And what a change in my outlook...perhaps a bit like making one’s bed each morning. My job is to live; not when we’re less than six feet away or maskless again, but right now, in the middle of hard. Live with purpose...live with kindness...live with beauty. 
This task has not been all work, though. 
I loved a summer blouse, but it was pretty scary on my body. I suppose a little bit of 70’s goes a long way, so I repurposed it into a scarf. And a denim dress is now ready for the fall as a fun duster. 

 

Each week, I’m asking God how He plans to repurpose my time alone...and then, trusting.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Seems as if I have no one to talk to today but the blog. Getting desperate, I suppose. 

Progress report after almost four months:
Five puzzles
Seventeen jillion cotton masks (I’ve perfected the pattern!)
One toddler “mermaid princess” dress
One boho crossbody bag on the loom
Umpteen books (five unfinished)
Four decorated windows for the little quarantined preschooler across the street
Four birthday drive-by parties
One shut-in ministry up and running on its own (too many cards , phone calls and emails to count!)
Two dozen 70’s albums
Thirty plus online concerts
Dozens of virtual museum and biking tours
One Children’s Literature course
Three medical courses
One unfinished painting. 
and a constantly messy kitchen!

Things, I’ve discovered:
I adore bright colors and I’m over grey walls. (Too bad, non-negotiable!)
Living rooms can be multifunctional: art studio, library, dance floor...because windows to the neighborhood are essential. 
I’m totally in love with gemstones from New Mexico (But American Express, it’s still cheaper than a trip to The Land of Enchantment.)
My senior pass to our national parks sits idly with that little blue passport. Both are pouting. 
Senior hours are essential and entertaining. 
Sometimes, one must turn off the seriousness of a pandemic. 

Thanks, blog for listening to my pandemic drivel. Brace yourself for the next four months! This ain’t over yet. 

May His favor be upon you
And a thousand generations
Your family and your children
And their children, and their children

There are no words for watching your firstborn son watch his firstborn son play on the resting place of his grandfather. Such emotion has no voice.