In sickness and in health

Everyone loves a good love story. Recently my friend had brain surgery and her wonderful husband has been her primary caretaker. Scot updates their blog so we can all pray more personally for her recovery. In one of the recent posts, Scot wrote that one of the readers felt as if he was reading a love story. 
Oh, how right he is, a beautiful, tender account of a husband's adoration, periods of helplessness, and sacrifice as he supports his lovely wife.
I know; I've walked in his shoes.  
24/7 care of a soul mate in his deepest pain... Times when there was not a thing I could do, but kneel before him, hold his frail hands and storm the heavens for relief.
Moments when I thought my love-swollen heart would break in two as I moved to his pace, his needs.
Never again would I want to see my Rob suffer like he did, but I must admit, I miss taking care of my husband. Crazy! 
Those five and a half months weren't pretty at all; they left me spent beyond words, but caring for him was my greatest expression of love for Rob. So many details have turned foggy, but the intimacy in those hard moments remains crystal clear. 
Years ago, I worked in a long-term care facility. I was overwhelmed at the number of young people who resided there because their spouse had given up and walked away from their marriages. I always thought they had missed their blessing.
Oh, I know it's hard, the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm forever changed because of it. Rob's cancer taught me how to love like Christ. I walk this new journey with a love and knowledge of my husband that will carry me until we meet again. And I see pain with new eyes!
I wonder if the writer of our traditional wedding vows knew first hand the "sickness" part. Did he see the joy that comes from pouring out one's alabaster jar? Did he learn mercy and patience and tenderness?
Gratefully, Scot's wife will heal in time and they will resume their "happily ever after," but I know they are writing a love story very few will ever live. 

    

Remember these? I don't even know if they make sliding puzzles anymore, but my budget feels a lot like one of them.
I'm still in the process of making sound investment decisions to cover my needs for decades to come.  Rob taught me well: live frugally, give generously and save for the future and we did this effortlessly with a nice salary.
But death of the primary bread winner extracts the easy from all of this and who ever said living by faith would be without effort? 
Life insurance proceeds must be balanced with burial costs and Cobra plans with investment strategies. It has to last!
Don't get me wrong; Rob left me blessed with enough to cover all of my bills and most likely, much more. 
But I'm learning how to move this financial puzzle into the right order  and I'm still not sure which tile to move next. (Yes, I have a wonderful adviser, but fear often trumps wisdom.)
Bottom line...My lifestyle has changed and I find myself fighting shrinking trust and ugly pride.
Oh, I've been comfortably paring down to a simpler lifestyle; actually it doesn't look much different than before Rob's illness. And what if the necessity to do so is totally unnecessary, but still good for the soul?
But giving has taken a big hit! 
I love feeding orphans, drilling wells, commemorating special events with a lot of love tied with pretty bows. 
I'm blessed to have a lot of friends and my love language is...you, guessed it... gift-giving! 
I've had to skip a lot of opportunities to repay great kindness shown to Rob and me. That grieves me! Being raised with the notion that an invitation always warrants a carefully chosen present, I worry what my friends will think when they open up just a card or a token gift. Will people be insulted or worse, pity me? Will they think Rob didn't provide well enough? Will they still want to be my friend?
I'm flat embarrassed, proof that pride keeps rearing it's ugly head! 
I hate me for being more worried about my image than I am grateful for the blessing of friendship. I'm not even sure if I love giving for the right reasons!
I confess; I have struggled with skipping groceries and medications so I could purchase a nicer wedding gift or a fancier lunch. 
Total insanity, but I wonder if I'm the only one who plays this game?
However, human need is no game! A starving child needing a meal, a pregnant woman sickened by dirty water... no time for inaction, so I question my level of faith when I don't dive into my savings account to heal a little more of the planet and a little less of me. 
How do I balance first and third world issues on a fixed income?  
Seems like death uncovers a host of flaws and conflicts...only resolved by coming clean before a Holy God. 

Christmas is around the corner. Are you making a Christmas list? Before you finish, please watch this power testimony of a young woman, Maureen, who was rescued from a Kenyan slum by Compassion International, my favorite charity. Perhaps you will be moved to ask Santa to

deliver one of your gifts to someone who needs the Hope of Christ. Maureen, an amazing Christ follower, is now leading an effort with an American family to build a maternity home to rescue pregnant teens from the streets in Kenya. I hope you will take the time to listen to how she was rescued with a simple gift from someone who cared. Maybe God has led you to deeply care about another part of the world or a different cause. Could you be someone's Christmas gift this year?