Launch the dvd and I melt.
The heart, so guarded, yields to memories.
I struggle to seize the sweet ones, but I know they simmer deep in my being.
Little girl hugging daddy's neck...once upon a time, there must have been affection.
Lasting images collapse the reserve and the dam breaks.
I gasp and choke with pain and regret for recent photos scream his numbered days.
Did this weathered man's heart yearn for the sweet ones as well?

"I still love you."
Words on a birthday card; words that sear my soul.
A phone call, girded with prayer and hope for reconciliation, fails to connect.
Again, disappointment bruises my heart.
Dial once again? Or simply let hope find its way on parchment wings?
Time runs out...wavering misses the deadline.
Guilt punches me again and again. Did his heart cry regret and yearn for one last conversation?
Betrayal fades slowly...forgiveness often comes too late.
Can affection reach the heavens?

Words refuse to flow tonight; only toss and tumble from my pain.
I stand before my God small and fragile. My friend says it's the little girl in me; Joyce Landorf describes it as the little bird who has lost her song.
Broken, hurt, empty is all I can muster.
A frail charge who desperately yearns to be loved, but finds the prize beyond her reach.
Love can't even slip through outstretched fingers when love has never cradled them.
Stark reality leaves me orphaned and lost.
Fatherly love should swallow us, but sometimes the fathers can't find such gifting within them.
My hope crushed now that the flame no longer flickers.
Tonight I struggle to feel Heaven's parental embrace.
I know it abounds, but grief blurs the senses.

Our eyes told it all...cancer was mounting its final assault.

Hours spent storming the gates of Heaven...His plan was Heaven bound.

I knew you, Tina, because you knew the Holy One.

I heard your stories until my sides ached from laughter.

I suspect you laughed with joy right into His arms.

No more prayers for you...only your own.

Til we meet again, may Hope resound.

The anger swells again...surprise attack shatters the peace... forgive again, Lord?
The heart wrestles with obedience. Forgiveness is too hard, Lord, too exhausting.
But your Word pierces. You must forgive! Jesus' very words...no other options.
The heart cries for help once more. Increase my faith!

Flying Solo

Flying solo these days?

Think twice about going it alone. We were meant to do life in groups.

Do you know why birds often fly in a "V" pattern? To save energy! One of the stronger birds takes the lead, performing most of the hard wing work, while the others glide on the air draft he creates. But if you watch long enough, you'll see the leader drop back, allowing another in the flock to assume the lead. The birds form a community, providing support for the journey.
The author of the Book of Hebrews instructed Christ followers to "fly" in groups.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25.

Life was hard for these persecuted believers and this wise author knew they needed each other to make the difficult journey. Perhaps you are finding life really hard today. Are you trying to do it alone? I've found that leaning on a stronger believer energizes me until I can take my place as the encourager. Just as I noticed that birds know their exact position; we, too, need to be sensitive to how long we depend on others as well as when we need to take the lead.
So are you flying solo? Is it leaving you spiritually exhausted?

Maybe it's time to "get your group on."

Woman at the Well

I am the woman at the well and I've seen Jesus! Day after day I come to this ancient well to draw water, but today was different. He sat there, a Jew, tired and thirsty, and asked me for a drink. Me? An unclean Samaritan woman? Unheard of! I tried to argue, but He offered me everything.    Who am I to question this prophet who knows every detail of my life, even my current shame?   This Jew, he offers me permanent, living water,  not the temporary kind that flows from our father Jacob's well. But eternal, cleansing, saving drink that could only come from Him. I no longer need my dusty jug and the others? I must rush and tell them. Will they come and see for themselves the Savior who satisfies my soul?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Monologue written for Camp Tallowood 2010

She left behind her water jug that day. What must I leave behind to truly follow Jesus?

...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. John 4:14