Goodness, I have wiped away tears all day long. 50 years...a half of a century. Where did the time go?

I remember our first date on January 25, 1971 as if it was yesterday. I had flirted and schemed for an entire fall semester, trying to get that senior boy to notice me. Unfortunately, he already had a girlfriend from our same yearbook staff. We shared a crowded pie-shape room, full of manual typewriters and wishful glances. Shame on me!

He was so unlike the other two guys I dated for a short while; Rob was focused and intelligent. It took a while, but we became friends and that never changed. Chats turned from sports and school activities to deep conversations about following Christ. My relationship with Jesus was young, but earnest; his, solid and mature. 

There were many bumps to navigate through the decades to follow, like most relationships. Honestly, it had to be by the sheer Grace of God that we made it through those first years and then again, through the teenage years of our kids. 

The path smoothed though; we had grown up. I am so grateful for those years traveling back-and-forth from Houston to DC,  the Florida vacations, suppers at Collina’s and lazy weekends watching our favorite teams. I loved watching Rob play with his three grandchildren probably more than anything.

 I just wish there had been more time.  

Most of my life I walked side by side with my earthly best friend. Not all these tears are sad, some are the sweetest.

2021 Word

It’s that time of year when I retreat to the beach for a couple of days of prayer and reflection. I began this many years ago on the advice of Rick Warren. Divert Daily, Withdraw Weekly, Abandon Annually. During this time of complete disconnect, I most always decide on a guiding word for the months ahead. That word helps frame my Bible study for the year and hopefully, my personal growth. Last year’s word was Grace and boy, have I learned a lot about giving and receiving it. 

There is no beach retreat or word this year. Oh, I will probably capture a few hours there, but definitely not a stay, considering the rising Covid numbers and no vaccine appointment. 

There is a focus, though. Not a word, but a Person: Jesus.  The loneliness, anxiety, and chaos are closing in and I desperately need Jesus. He is all I need. During December, I read the Gospel of Luke, one chapter per day and now, I’ll return, studying a chapter weekly. I want to walk with Him via his own life-giving words. I’m hoping for a fresh understanding of his humanity, character and authority.  

Anna, the prophetess, is introduced in the second chapter of Luke. She, too, lost her husband at a young age and devoted the rest of her life to worshiping God. She waited decades in anticipation of the arrival of Israel’s Yeshua Hamashiach...and eventually, she laid eyes on her infant Rescuer! She did not miss her Messiah.

Waiting and worshiping...I want an ‘Anna perspective’ this year...eternity-minded...never leaving his Presence.

I’m looking forward to writing his beloved Name in the sand in 2021, but more so, to letting Jesus etch his Name on my heart.   JESUS, the only name under Heaven by which we must be saved.

The Piano Saga

 If you’ve kept up with me for the past few years, you might remember we lost our family piano in the flood. The harp had to be discarded; the cracked block was beyond repair. I deconstructed our piano, holding on to salvageable pieces, including the pedals and well-played keys. Several weeks ago, I finally put the body out on the curb for heavy trash collection. Because it was going to take so much expense to make it into the intended console table, I abandoned the project. I collected some of the pieces that I had reserved for the rebuild, thinking I should just put those out in the trash as well. I had to struggle to get the last piece out of a storage closet, but to my surprise, I discovered that the underlying surface of the top lid had the most beautiful stampings from the builder. What if I flipped the lid over and built legs for it? And that’s what I did, thanks to some helpful online shopping!

It wasn’t my original idea, but a better one. It doesn’t play music, but evokes a melody of memories. When was the last time you abandoned a desire, only to receive a better one?  I really wanted to resurrect that piano, but it was not until I released it did I find purpose in the unexpected. It’s a lot like my last seven years, life flipped upside down, only to find a new beauty. 

Borrowing Rob’s teaching question: so what? 

Be willing to abandon what cannot be resurrected. 

Embrace the unexpected; welcome surprise.   

Chase beauty!

  

I spent some extra moments snuggled under the covers on this brisk December morning, lingering in prayer for a couple of young women. I concluded by asking God to blanket them with his Hope, the only really sustainable hope. It hit me that this was my exact prayer for the entire world as we mark the last few days of a long, arduous 2020. 

I’m reminded of Jesus‘s words in the thirteenth chapter of Luke: how often I have longed to gather you under my wing. (my humble translation) He longs to cover us.  

Cover us with his:

Love

Protection

Grace

Blood

Hope 

And that’s just the short list!

                                                                                                                                            

This present malaise and yes, even despair is working hard to suffocate our weary world, yet, our long-awaited Messiah longs to wrap us in his tenacious Hope. You know, the kind that shines brightly on his faithful promises, the type that drowns out chaos. 

Hope of Glory, wrap us tight!

 “Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.””

“The angel said to him, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭1:18-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Something struck me in the very first chapter. 

 Zechariah’s human response to what seemed impossible was greeted with greatness and power!  

“I am Gabriel and I stand in the presence of God!”

Nothing is impossible with God!

The Lord has done this for me...In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people. Luke 1:25

Mostly the women whispered about her condition. Elizabeth, up in age, knew and still tried to live out the blameless life of one married to a priest of the LORD. But she could not hide her empty quiver and probably wrestled with the same lie born not of God: “what disobedience left me barren?”

Shame, we silently carry it, often throughout our entire life. Perhaps a poor choice, the consequence of someone else’s actions or a sad self-fabrication...yet, we quietly render it a permanent albatross. 

 Try to imagine Elizabeth’s relief, joy, rescue as an answer to a worn prayer at last grew in her womb. No more speculation of past sin...Elizabeth, now dressed in anticipation, freed from shame! 

Some of us have been covered in the enemy’s disgrace far too long. No past or even present is too big for the Lord to redeem; nothing is impossible for the Most High.

Rejoice this Advent in His favor!

Thanksgiving during a pandemic...a bit tricky and scary. Only four of us gathered at the beach after a week of isolation, testing and a few prayers. So far, so good.  Our time was lovely and for a spell, it almost seemed normal. I played with Lucas and the three dogs and even got to watch some KU basketball.  I’m so thankful for our time together. 

We had a frank discussion regarding Christmas plans as we figure cases will grow after Thanksgiving gatherings. I really want my family to live with  some normalcy during the holiday season and to not worry about me contracting the virus, so we probably won’t be able to celebrate as a family this year. At least, not in the traditional sense. 

It hit me hard this morning; I struggled to get out of bed. How many Christmases must I celebrate alone?  It doesn’t help that this is the anniversary of Rob’s last week on earth. You would think that after seven years, grief would be lighter. Perhaps, it’s this never-ending isolation.

 I had no plans to drag out the Christmas boxes and decorate for one person, but I decided to get out just a few things that held some special memories. Ten hours later, I managed to decorate three trees and the kitchen! Because the grands won’t be running through the house anytime soon, I was able to trim one of the trees with Rob’s blown glass ornaments, a collection of birthday gifts from me each December 18th. 

Good decision to get up and carry on! I love being  surrounded by lights and Christmas memories.  My advent (Jesus Tree) is ready for tomorrow: December 1st. I plan to read one chapter a night of Luke; 24 chapters will take me through the entire Gospel by Christmas Eve.  Last year, I bought some deeply discounted white Christmas balls for a project that never happened, so I’m going add one to the tree each evening after my reading. By Christmas, my tree will shine bright and so will my heart!

I’m determined to fill this pandemic Christmas with joy. No COVID-19, you will not steal Christmas!